im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
