***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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