just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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