you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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