yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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