May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
