After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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