I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
