my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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