whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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