why didn't you poke me back
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
