You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize