he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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