Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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