when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
