I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
