Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
