there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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