proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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