You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
