We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
