i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he thought i was a dude.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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