hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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