Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
