Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize