I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
