So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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