so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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