he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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