so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
