why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
