This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
