I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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