I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
