He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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