its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
