This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
