i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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