i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am midnight drunk by noon
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
