Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
