just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
