I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
