Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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