I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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