Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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