you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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