In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
