i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
