Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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