i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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