I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
