Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
