i don't like sucking hair
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
