You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
