Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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