i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
