Don't you send me to vm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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