i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
