Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
