I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
