I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
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