So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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