just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
