in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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