If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
