Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
