Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
