You're so nebulous sometimes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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